ghost of blogs past.

February 15, 2010 § Leave a comment

I considered pasting my first entry from my first blog in 2003 to start things off here, but it was, and I mean this, horrifying material. Instead I searched for old Valentine’s entries… they were, and I mean this as well, even more horrifying.

Then I checked an entry from February 12, 2006. I’d copied a quote from Bill Clinton’s 1997 Human Rights Campaign dinner speech. What’s striking about that is that I’ve been refamiliarizing myself with that same speech over the past few days for an analysis that’s due tomorrow. The transcript is inches from my keyboard. My office then:

In 2006 I loved this speech for everything I thought it’d done, would do, and could do. Today, I resent it. I’ve been extending the project to track the evolution of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell through HRC and State of the Union discourse, which has led me to understand just how terrorizing doxastic rhetoric can be. On the one hand it’s humiliating to realize how compliant and agreeing I had been with an (importantly) awful speech. On the other, it’s reassuring to understand that such humiliation is only possible because I’ve grown and my skills as a critic have matured. On the third hand, the one preoccupied with temporality, I wonder if in four more years I’ll read this and shake my head. If I do, it’ll probably be a good thing anyway. My office now:

What’s admittedly pathetic about me recently is that I’ve been using my approaching birthday as a marker for approximating due dates, consequent insanity, and not much else. My first Minnesotan birthday, and it’s in February, like I knew it would be. I don’t even have anything to say other than to just acknowledge it.

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