September 16, 2014 § Leave a comment
“This project bears witness to the fact that it is not about what’s been destroyed in Detroit, but more importantly, about what’s been left behind and those who are coping with it… This is the most emotional work I’ve made. I don’t get tired and I just keep wanting to go back. I find more and more material every time I go.”
Unbroken Down is an attempt to set the photographic record straight by Dave Jordano; he believes that Detroit is more than a tale of decline and images of the associated urban decay. Yet, a lot of celebrated photography projects made in Detroit recently have focused on ruination as if the apocalypse passed through and kept going.
March 16, 2014 § 1 Comment
Joshunda Sanders wrote this good piece on Lean In‘s recent campaign to ban “bossy”, and some of her statements have provoked me to do something I haven’t done in a long time: blog. Before I get into some of my thoughts related to Lean In, let me make clear that I do not disagree with Sanders – Lean In’s campaigns express white privilege, a problem deserving our attention and critique. It is not her problematization of Lean In as privileged that provoked me to write, it is the broader habit of the feminist blogosphere to denounce Lean In that I take issue with. I don’t fully understand why people are upset about Lean In failing to attend to structural issues when it has never prioritized, or even acknowledged the necessity of, changing structural issues. Lean In just isn’t the droid we’re looking for.
For example, Sanders wrote, “Banning the word bossy skirts the true issues at the heart of women’s inequality and our self-consciousness in the world of work: money and privilege.” I don’t expect Lean In to focus on those “true issues at the heart of women’s equality” because it never told me it would. LeanIn.org describes the brand as “committed to offering women the ongoing inspiration and support to help them achieve their goals.” As far as I can tell, it’s sort of doing that. Many young women are inspired by the Lean In campaigns and feel supported by their existence. The organization seeks to support women in specific ways, and so it does, it does not want to make material systemic change, and so it does not. I’m interested in a conversation about what it means for an organization of this kind to receive such national attention, the implications of these hegemonic messages and the nature of their palatability are ripe. I’m less interested in feeling betrayed by a project that made me no promises. That being said, the Ban Bossy campaign is a compelling one as a subject of feminist debate, and I think it can be interpreted in diverse ways that don’t hinge on privilege.
I suggest banning bossy might not just be about whether or not a woman’s “feelings are hurt” — it might be about how the typified use of the word represents an aspect of how patriarchy threads itself into our everyday language and culture. Banning bossy might be about banning the idea that it has ever been appropriate to treat women who challenge and lead as juvenile, irrational creatures. In other words, banning bossy might be one legitimate way to highlight the relationship between language and oppression, and
Patriarchal logic informs the idea that a word’s power can be dismissed as a semantic eye-roll rather than as a symptom of sexist and misogynistic culture. There is a relationship between the language we use to ascribe meaning to the world and how we actually interpret the meaning of the world. When young women are told they’re being bossy, they’re being shown how the world will treat them differently than young men who behave in identical ways, they’re being shown that we have an entirely different catalog of words to describe what they mean to us, words that will usually hierarchically organize them just a little bit lower – over and over and over again. Now, there are plenty of women who completely reject the notion that bossy is bad, but their reclamations don’t preclude others from using bossy in hurtful, power-laden ways. And as long as there are people in positions of power using bossy to discourage girls from behaving brazenly, I have a way to support getting rid of such use of the word.
Overall, I don’t care that much about what the Lean In project is doing because its merit remains ambiguous to me, it ain’t the only initiative out there and as far as I can tell its goals haven’t ever included structural change. Why are we expecting Lean In to do things it never said it would? Why was anyone surprised or even disappointed when Lean In, a brand founded and directed by a woman who is deeply invested in online media, focused on an issue of representation in …online media (re: stock images of women in the workplace)? The feminist blogosphere was quick to point out how little that effort would do to address the institutionalization of sexism in our work economy, but …duh. I am not hurt by Lean In’s failure to address more material issues because that isn’t its intention, purpose, or perhaps even its possibility given how deeply embedded the whole premise is in capitalist economy. I mostly choose to disregard Lean In just as I do with a lot of mainstream fem-washed organizations. I keep my finger on the pulse, and the feminist blogosphere isn’t about to let me ignore Lean In completely, so when it comes to how I’d like to devote my energies I focus instead on supporting initiatives that enact my intersectional politics. I’m just not sure what we’re trying to accomplish by still caring so much about how Lean In fails as a feminist enterprise.
June 15, 2013 § 1 Comment
Day 1, 6:00AM.
Landed in the Lima airport.
Bus packed with people, all the way to the front — and our bus, running alongside, only 15% full, I have an aisle to myself. The other bus has La Molina written on the side.
May 15, 2013 § Leave a comment
Over the past four years I’ve luckily witnessed the engagement, marriage, and first child of these two. Photographing them today was sweet, and dinner at Sea Salt even better. Thank goodness for good people. I’m sad to see you go, but wish you plenty of love & luck on your new adventure.
Bonus: This awesome expression:
May 9, 2013 § 2 Comments
James Blake recently returned to Minneapolis and humbly tossed another tremendous experience onto the pile I’ve been stacking since 2011. I. Can’t. Even. But I’mma try. I’ve written about James Blake’s live performances before, but that was a choice. This feels less optional.
Blake penned the title track of his new album, Overgrown, on a plane a day after meeting Joni Mitchell, who had made a rare appearance at his Troubadour show in Los Angeles. My then-partner worked as the sound engineer for Blake on that tour, and our phone conversation after the show stuck with me; I recall it being a significant evening. They’d clearly just had one of those shows, one where everyone in the building is on-board, the band is truly integrated, the stars align, etc. Until typing this sentence, I’ve kept a sort-of-secret, brief recording (creepy as it might be it was worth it) of Blake and Mitchell speaking after the show, they then spoke privately for a long time. I have never felt fully comfortable sharing details of my brief experience hopping onto that tour, or others (I did so regularly — otherwise my relationship would’ve been paused for weeks/month at a time and that wasn’t much fun), because somehow those memories feel private. That being said, I feel I must profess.
Here, I attempt to review an album less (here’s a good one of those) and two experiential profound moments and their contexts more. In doing so, I hope to organize some messy thoughts and practice self-reflexivity so that I can, y’know, be a better me.
There are a few assumptions, or truths, undergirding the meaning of this post, perhaps worth clarifying:
I believe that it is possible to experience profoundness.
I believe these moments are, possibly intrinsically, ephemeral and rare. Not within our control.
I believe that we are better enabled to experience profoundness through interactions with nature, art, and people—in that order,
and I believe that these moments are worth sharing.
Music is a collection of created and arranged sounds, it is a human endeavor. The history of instruments and music-making is fascinating itself, one I think capable of implying the human condition. So it is not surprising to me that two of my three or four* experiences of profoundness were elicited during a live music performance. The first happened on June 16th, 2007, while I was sitting on a blanket next to one of the hearts of my life, Lolly, under a hot Tennessee sun and encountering John Butler’s music for the first time. My stepfather had passed away weeks earlier, and I had gone on the trip in search of solace. Butler oft performs a rendition of his 12 minute instrumental, Ocean, and on this day when he did so, I experienced profoundness. I don’t know what a profound moment might look like for another person, but mine feel like this: everything is going to be okay. I felt a swollen, incredibly grounded and overwhelming sense of reassurance and peacefulness, no articulable insight, not a stroke of brilliance, only an intense state of being. Such occurrences are so much… well, better than that it just took me four tries to correctly spell “occurrences” (occurance, occurence, occurrance, occurrence!). The banality of it is obvious but not unimportant.
Whenever I listen to Ocean, usually when I’m wanting to feel differently somehow, I am reminded of that moment and its message. I am reminded of my love for my dear friend and for sharing that moment with her. I am reminded that everything might, indeed, be okay. I have attended other John Butler Trio shows (in Austin and Chicago) chasing that feeling, searching to no avail. Wildly talented musicians, jamming my face off, but no profoundness. No everything is going to be okay.
I also experienced profoundness at a James Blake show at Lincoln Hall in Chicago on May 15th, 2011. I’d been with my partner on the tour for a week or so, and had seen several of Blake’s performances. They were excellent on their own–I’ve cried during Lindisfarne II more than once (in part because of Rob [guitar] and Ben’s [drums] performances), and at this time Blake was still emerging as a name in the States, so the shows tended to pull dub-loyal audiences, listeners in-the-know. For example, he played at the 7th Street Entry then (capacity 250), but more recently sold out First Ave for the second time on a Wednesday (capacity 1,500). I’ve written about the contribution that the audience makes to a show experience here, and think part of what I felt in Chicago is owed to those who were there with me in the room. Lincoln Hall is also the only room I’ve seen Blake perform in that can handle his sound sufficiently (there are levels of low-end that you simply cannot access without a proper low-frequency system, it shakes the room), whoever configured their sound system is heroic. Additionally, because I was primarily there to be with my then-partner, whose trade and creative expression is sound engineering, and much of Blake’s music needs expert live engineering to sound right, I was attentive to and aware of the talented mix I was being offered. Lastly, I was accompanied by my best friend Erica, and meeting up with a dear friend in a different city is always good times. Somewhere between Limit to Your Love (which hits SO. FUCKING. HARD.) and casting my eyes across the crowd, it happened: everything is going to be okay.
Blake’s shows produce the most impregnated silence I’ve ever observed from a musical artist, they test patience, and they’re beautifully executed, they intellectualize the work. Remembering his own transformative music moment, he once said, “I thought, this drives me so far into my own head, much more than anything has ever done.” I think if you listen closely you can see that inspiration, sentiment, witnessed in his work. The songs possess a tapped-into-our-human-condition sort of intimacy.
I hold that memory close to my heart, but because it is also steeped in personal stuff, I sometimes (oftentimes) avoid remembering it. I usually change the station when James Blake comes on, anxious that it might trigger a line of thinking I don’t want to fall into.
When it came time, then, to see James Blake play again, I worried. I knew I had to go, I wouldn’t miss it. Still, I worried that I would feel loss. That I would miss a time of my life which I hold dear, that thoughts of my relationship would interfere with my ability to engage the show, that I wouldn’t be able to love it. That it wouldn’t relocate my mind as I wanted and needed it to. But I did love it, because the music is strong enough to transfix the wandering mind. And, I was there with my favorite lady-date for live music shows, Marnie. Marnie works in the music industry, is deeply connected to the transformative possibilities of live music, has pitch-perfect taste, and can relate to my experiences more than anyone I’ve known closely. Additionally we ran into Joe and Paul, two other long-standing show-goers who I’ve seen great sets with. I found a great sight line on the ramp to the left of the desk, the FOH mixed a proper show, and I was mostly able to ignore the more-than-tipsy young ladies chatting and grinding on each other in front of me.
Girls swooned, Blake crooned. He is regularly framed as an indie heartthrob, but I don’t pine, I relate. Not because I’m indie heartthrob, but because the lyrics, nuanced inflection, and slow intentional layering of sounds until they form walls, invites you to relate to the eternal solidarity associated with music. And though I loved it, I also recognized differences in my experience of it.
I was surprised at how many people were surprised by the low-end when it first came in. I was surprised at how many people didn’t recognize the few older tracks Blake played, as his discography isn’t that large… yet. Previously, when Blake would begin to play I Never Learnt to Share, one or two people would “Woooo!” and it’d get caught in the first loop (he sings the introductory line repeatedly to loop on different levels and harmonize with his own voice). That one distinct “Woooo!” infiltrated the initial loop always irked me, because it gets used throughout the track and it’s distracting. But at this show, because the crowd was larger and his work is more popular, a lot of people ‘Woooo!’d and it functioned differently in the loop, the resounding cheer added a different dynamic which made that specific track unique, just that once, at that time and that place, never to be seen or heard the same again — I’m sure something similar happens at his other performances. Finally, he now has a lighting designer on tour. A well-engineered lampy show submits further impact.
Taking in all of those bits, I was compelled to admit to myself that I was having an interesting, productive personal moment with the show that was special. Mine. Like, yeah, this is cool, and that was cool, and maybe you’re a little bit cool too sometimes, and that’s okay to feel right now, so you’d better indulge in the feeling, because it’s temporary but for now it’s all yours. I did not experience profoundness, but I felt gratitude. Grateful for the experiences I’ve had, that they exist at all, and that they make me happy more than sad.
*Three if you don’t count the one I had while shrooming.
Honorable mentions behind the cut.